The school called about my autistic child's behavior. What do I do first?
125 Reddit parents answered this, and the most upvoted advice was the same three words. This page explains why that advice is right under federal law and gives you the exact steps for this week.
Every claim is checked against the federal regulation it rests on, and reviewed by Rachel Blackburn, BCBA.
Request an evaluation in writing. An emailed parent request starts a 60-day federal clock. A phone call from a teacher does not.
The Reddit post
One parent was told at age four that her daughter did not qualify for services, then got a behavior call on the second day of kindergarten. Another had a four-year-old with an existing IEP expelled from a drop-in daycare after a meltdown.
My new-to-kindergarten daughter is 5 and was tested by her school district when she was 4 and found not eligible. Today after her teacher called me about her behavior after just 2 days I just broke down. Where do I go from here?
Read the original thread on r/Autism_Parenting · posted 2026-08-04 · 81 comments
Mom of a recently diagnosed Level 2, 4yo kiddo. He's been on an autism IEP through his elementary school and also has a BIP. Up until early June, they knew him well and loved him.
Read the original thread on r/Autism_Parenting · posted 2026-08-07 · 44 comments
Top comments at a glance
| Comment | Upvotes | Core claim | Our take |
|---|---|---|---|
| “Request an assessment from the school district. Because K is more rigorous than Pre-K the conditions have changed” | 78 | A past ineligible finding can be revisited when demands increase | Accurate |
| “A school will not provide an IEP if there is not an educational impact from the learning disability” | 36 | Eligibility turns on educational impact, not diagnosis alone | Accurate |
| “Sometimes the smart kids who are deemed high functioning are able to fool people into thinking they don't need support” | 32 | Academic strength hides real support needs | Accurate |
| “no School or DayCare facility is going to allow that kind of behavior or verbiage. Regardless of his status or prior diagnosis” | 32 | A diagnosis does not protect a child from removal | Partly true |
Can you ask for a new evaluation after being turned down?
Accurate
Yes. Under 34 CFR 300.301 a parent can request an initial evaluation, and the district must complete it within 60 days of consent. A prior finding is not permanent, and the jump from pre-K to kindergarten is exactly the kind of changed condition that justifies asking.
Evidence: 34 CFR 300.301
Why does a diagnosis alone not get an IEP?
Accurate
Correct. IDEA eligibility requires both a qualifying disability and a resulting need for special education (34 CFR 300.8), which is why documented classroom data outweighs a letter. A behavior call on day two is the start of that data.
Evidence: 34 CFR 300.8
Does being academically ahead delay support?
Accurate
This matches what we see constantly, and the diagnostic data explains it: in a cohort of 1,269 toddlers, 84% who were diagnosed early kept the diagnosis, and most who did not simply moved to a milder presentation rather than none (Pierce et al., 2019). Reading three grades ahead does not erase a regulation gap.
Evidence: Pierce et al., 2019, JAMA Pediatrics
Can a daycare expel a child over a meltdown?
Partly true
A private daycare has far more latitude than a public school, so this is largely right there. In a public school, a disciplinary removal beyond ten days triggers a manifestation determination review under 34 CFR 300.530.
Evidence: 34 CFR 300.530
What to do this week
- Email the principal and special education coordinator today. Ask in writing for a full evaluation. That email starts the 60-day clock.
- Start a behavior log tonight. Date, time, what came before, what happened, how long. The school runs on data.
- Ask the teacher to document every incident in writing. Phone calls are not a record.
- Pursue a medical evaluation in parallel. School eligibility and medical diagnosis are separate processes that answer different questions.
What we have actually seen
What families bring us after a call like this is usually a behavior nobody has measured yet. Our BCBAs start with a functional behavior assessment to find what the behavior is achieving for the child, then build a plan around teaching the skill that replaces it. Parent coaching is in every plan because the same strategy has to survive a Tuesday evening at home.
The Colorado numbers
- Colorado districts must respond to a written parent referral, and the federal 60-day evaluation clock starts at consent. Budding Futures can begin an in-home assessment with no waitlist while that process runs.
- Autism enrollment in Colorado schools grew 180% between 2012 and 2024, from 4,881 students to 13,654, so a district saying it has no capacity is describing a real constraint, not a reason you do not qualify.
- Most Colorado districts run autism programs inside regular schools rather than separate buildings, so an evaluation does not mean a move.
Quick answers
How do I request a school evaluation? Email the principal and the special education coordinator asking in writing for a full evaluation. Under 34 CFR 300.301 the district must complete it within 60 days of consent.
Does my child need a medical diagnosis first? No. School eligibility under 34 CFR 300.8 is a separate process from a medical diagnosis, and many families pursue both at once.
What is a manifestation determination? A required meeting under 34 CFR 300.530 to decide whether behavior was caused by a child's disability before a public school changes placement through discipline.
Can ABA help with behavior at school? Yes, when the plan targets the function of the behavior rather than the behavior itself. Budding Futures writes goals a school team can read and follow.
How fast can we start in Colorado? Budding Futures has no assessment waitlist, so the first conversation can happen this week. Health First Colorado and major insurance are accepted.
More from this series
What Reddit says about autism and ABA
Every report, sorted by topic.
The district wants a separate behavior school
What 287 parents argued, and what federal law says.
ABA for behavior support
Aggression, meltdowns, transitions, and what a functional assessment finds.
Sources
34 CFR 300.301
Initial evaluation: parent right to request, 60-day timeline.
34 CFR 300.8
Definition of a child with a disability for IDEA eligibility.
34 CFR 300.530
Manifestation determination in school discipline.
Pierce et al., 2019
Diagnostic stability of early autism diagnosis, n=1,269.
Budding Futures
Colorado autism enrollment, 2012 to 2024.
Who we are
Budding Futures ABA provides in-home ABA therapy across Colorado for children 18 months to 18 years. Care is play-based and assent-based, built on Natural Environment Teaching, with BCBA supervision targeted at about 20% of hours, which is four times the BACB minimum. Parent coaching is part of every plan and there is no assessment waitlist. We accept Health First Colorado and major insurance, and most Medicaid families pay nothing out of pocket. Our clinical director is Rachel Blackburn, BCBA, and the practice is led by director Mark Hirsch.
Did the school just call about your child?
We can talk through what a functional assessment would look at and what to put in writing to the district this week.